WAGs are apparently wreaking havoc upon the football landscape in England.

Anyone read Day of the Locust? Anyone?

What the hell are “WAGS” anyway? It’s a term used by the British tabloid press to describe the wives and girlfriends (but not restricted to) of the England national football team.

I sympathize with Roy Keane. I thought - and evidently he does too - that it was about football and not about the needs of a bunch of wives and girlfriends.

Roy Keane was a highly spirited, combative, controversial, competitive, talented and respected Irish soccer player. He was able to transfer those values and attributes to his managerial stint with Sunderland in England. He took a down and out club to the top of the table - ultimately earning Sunderland a prestigious promotion to the Premier League.

As a manager of Sunderland, despite its impressive recent triumph over Tottenham, it seems he’s having trouble attracting players to Sunderland. Now, I’m North American so I really can’t comment since I’ve never been, but from what I read it’s like Edmonton but without the Mall.

The story surrounds around how the wives and girlfriends of players would prefer to have their men playing London - and not Sunderland - where the shopping is better.

“They don’t want to come to Sunderland because their wife wants to go shopping in London,” Keane told the London Daily Mail.”

Sunderland, for those who were too lazy to check (as I was), is 443 kilometres north of London. England is that big?

Keane continues, ‘Unfortunately, that is what is influencing a lot of footballers’ decisions. Priorities have changed and they are being dictated to by their wives and girlfriends. I could name three of four big players now and clearly their wives and girlfriends are running their lives because they are doing these photo shoots and all that kind of stuff.”

That sounds about right. In my circle of friends, three of four of my friends have lost their pants too.

This has a familiar ring to this as we’re beginning to hear this in North America. While I am sure that wives of athletes have always had their say in where their better half earns his bacon, it’s the first we hear about players deliberately avoiding teams for considerations outside the football (and sports) realm.

The marriage of celebrity culture and sports entertainment has come full circle in unholy matrimony now. But man does it bring in the bucks.

Even sports commentators say stuff like (and I loosely paraphrase), “not a whole lot to do in Winnipeg. Why should he sign and play for a team there when he can fraternize and fornicate in Montreal!”

The point is that small market teams get culturally black listed now.

I understand that some thought has to go into selecting a place to play but choosing a place to satisfy the narcissistic needs of your lover should not be one of them. I also get that athletes want to enjoy their fame and wealth while their young. Nevertheless, sometimes you just have to count your blessings and just be happy you have the opportunity to play professional sports. Even if it’s in Milwaukee - or Sunderland for that matter.

Taken to its logical end, it makes little sense to give the player the option to pick and choose where he can play. If this was the case, we’d have 120 teams operating in London, New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Boston and possibly New York Jr. (aka Toronto).

Now, at this point, any man worth his sea salt would simply remind his squeeze that he is a footballer first and foremost. That they can do all their shopping in the off-season.
That’s that - now git.

Today, men wear crocs, have manicures and leave their pants in the hamper. It’s not surprising we’re seeing this sort of stuff in sports now.

All things Roy Keane did not stand for as a player and does not care for as a manager. His concern is perfectly legitimate.

Sports are about competition and winning and it shouldn’t matter where you play or where you win.

If you are terrified of playing for a small town, ask the WAGS of the Green Bay Packers and see how they handle it.