(Stuttgart, Germany) The Porsche Tennis Grand Prix has the final the audience in the Porsche Arena was hoping for: Pretty Glamour Girl Tatiana Golovin of France is up against Worlds Best Tennis Player Justine Henin of Belgium. They are going to battle for the Porsche 911 Turbo Cabriolet or the prize money of $98.500. Golovin was last year’s finalist and lost against Nadia Petrova of Russia. Henin was the finalist in 2001 and 2003 in Filderstadt, but she is making a debut…
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(Stuttgart, Germany) Justine Henin of Belgium was the third player to secure her spot in the semifinals of the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix on Friday. The World No 1 overcame Russia’s Elena Dementieva in straight sets, 6-4 and 6-4 in a captivating match in Stuttgart’s Porsche Arena. “I began the match strongly and played aggressively right from the start,” said the 25-year-old Belgian. “Elena put up some stiff resistance. When you play against…
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(Stuttgart, Germany) Russian Svetlana Kuznetsova defeated Serena Williams of USA in straight sets 6-3 and 6-3 in the final quarterfinal match on Friday. The world no 2 therefore earned herself a spot in the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix semifinals. It is the third time Kuznetsova made it to the last four, the other two occasions were in 2004 and 2006. “I was very happy with my game today,” said Kuznetsova. “Serena hit the ball very hard. It was fun out there. I’m…
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(Stuttgart, Germany) Tatiana Golovin was the first player to advance to the semifinals of the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix after defeating qualifier Kateryna Bondarenko of Ukraine. The 19-year-old Frenchwoman won 6-3, 6-4 in Friday’s opening quarterfinal match. Bondarenko surprisingly defeated Ana Ivanovic, the Serbian world No.5, in the previous round. In the second match of the day, Nadia Petrova had to retire from her match against Jelena Jankovic with an injury. After…
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(Stuttgart, Germany) The favourites all made it to the next round in Thursday’s play at the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix, but there was also huge surprise. The world No 1 Justine Henin of Belgium, last year’s winner Nadia Petrova of Russia, Serbian Jelena Jankovic and Russian Elena Dementieva of Russia all moved into the quarterfinals. However, Ana Ivanovic of Serbia was unexpectedly knocked out by Ukrainian qualifier Kateryna Bondarenko. Favourite Justine Henin, the…
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(Stuttgart, Germany) Tatiana Golovin is the first player to defeat a seeded player at the Porsche Tennis Grand Prix in Stuttgart on Wednesday. The Frenchwoman knocked out Russian Anna Chakvetadze, 4th seed, and No.6 on the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour ranking, in straight sets, 7-6 and 6-1. Ana Ivanovic, the 19-year-old Serbian, had an overpowering victory against Swiss Patty Schnyder, 6-0 and 6-2. Golovin will meet the No.5 of the ranking Ivanovic, or qualifier Kateryna Bondarenko…
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Discover Your Future at the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law |
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Written by Tuffy R. Tuffenstein
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Friday, 12 October 2007 |
Have you imagined yourself in a school where skullduggery and deception is nourished and stimulated? Where all your whining can be referred to as "billable hours"? The Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, recognizes your passion to lift your profile and succeed, hopefully at the expense of your teammates and coaches.
At the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law, we provide law degrees* in Clubhouse Law with a variety of concentrations, from Sowing Discontent to Convicting Your Teammate in the Court of Public Opinion. We also provide extension courses in a variety of topics for beer league clubhouse paralegals.
"Come to the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law and learn all the tricks that got me six major league ball caps in the last eight seasons of my career!" - El Presidente Orlando Cepeda (the Baby Bull himself) The campus, located on the expansive Alou family compound (legends in the clubhouse litigation business), offers state-of-the-art clubhouse simulators with real former beat writers and ex-managers to practice new skills and test theories on. Also, the scenic views and cheap bars allow you to practice your post-game exploits as well.
"I became beloved in the whole major leagues with the redeeming social qualities of a cockroach in the middle of the breeding process, all thanks to the Alous!" - Omar Vizquel Our unique method of portfolio assessment puts in you a small group setting and forces you to convince the reporters and teammates that you are the misunderstood genius of the locker room because you like to read books without pictures and just need a fair shake. If you sell your point of view to the assembled while knifing everyone else in the back, you pass!
"It's not just a name; it's a way of life. Thanks, Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law!" - Lawyer Milloy Courses include:
- How to Tell the Beat Writer About Your Opinion and Make Him Think He Teased It Out of You
- How to Form an Opinion (remedial)
- Using the Internet to Extend Your Clientele (with Professor Curt Schilling)
- How to Avoid the Promotion to Clubhouse Cancer
- Make Your Teammates Pick Sides for Senseless Reasons
- The Boom Box: A Deconstruction (with Professor Kerry Wood)
- Your First Deal: How to Negotiate Your Trade Right From Your Locker!
- Clubhouse Ethics and How to Avoid Them
- How to Woo the Boss (team taught by Professors Jim Leyritz and Rick Cerone)
- Make Your Influence Larger Than Your Talent
- Woe Is Me: Trapped in the Losing Closet (Professor Carl Pickens' tour de force)
- Coach's Plan Made Me Look Bad, Not My Exquisite Hackery
- Race: The Only Card in Town! (with Professor Gary Sheffield)
- How to Turn Your Clubhouse Lawyer Pedigree into a Political Career (an honors course taught by Mayor Craig Biggio)
With a kitchen run by Master Chef (and 1990 graduate) David Wells and transportation provided by the Jeff Kent (1992 graduate) Agency, you will live in luxury's velvety lap and get an advanced degree. Sign up now!
"With the Baby Bull College of Offshore Clubhouse Law, you can get into the Baseball Hall of Fame and the Clubhouse Lawyers Hall of Fame! I would have got there sooner, but Ozzie was holding me back..." - Frank Thomas (Note: no financial aid available. Payment due before graduation; policy enforced by 1999 graduate Michael Barrett.)
*Law degrees only valid in Dominican Republic, Venezuela, and New York City tabloids
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